The Wayward Tongue

October 26, 2010

God has such a lovely way of bringing me back down to earth when I get too lofty minded. Oh, how I despise that pride!

A Wayward Tongue

Yesterday on a public forum, my daughter made a comment about being tortured but she spelled it torcher. I made a silly comment, “Torcher? Did she use a torch? Did you get burned?”

I thought I was being funny.

Later that night, a very Dear Friend of mine sent me a text message that went something like this, “Oh Kat. How could you have made a comment like that on this forum! How embarrassing for her! I was appalled and very surprised!”

Immediately I jumped into defensive mode. “My daughter and I are like that. We tease each other.”

She came back with, “In a public forum? What if her friends start teasing her that way?”

I thought about how my daughter and a family friend cut back and forth that way and replied that it was a common occurrence.

Dear Friend sent a text back that she is not used to it and that her family and her friends don’t do that. I told her I’d make note of that and the conversation was over.

I felt horrible. I called my daughter and asked her if I embarrassed her and she laughed and said no. “But,” she added, “it was kind of mean.”

Now I felt worse! I apologized to her and went on the forum and deleted my comments. I felt exonerated and excused from my behavior. Well, at least I tried to reason my way into feeling free of guilt. I half convinced myself that I was okay in what I had done, but the sting of the rebuke lingered in the background. I also felt a little angry at my Dear Friend and tried to find fault in what she said.

A Tongue Disciplined

Discipline: Punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

This morning was a different thing altogether.

I woke up feeling sore in my heart and ashamed. I sat and analyzed why I felt that way and attempted to look at the situation with fresh eyes. How would I feel if someone made fun of my misspelled words in a public forum? I would feel embarrassed… It WAS a mean thing to say. Especially to a young teenager whose friends frequent that forum.

I remembered what Paul said:

Ephesians 4:29 (Amplified Bible) Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.

I had not edified my daughter – in fact I had publicly put her down! What was I thinking?

I opened the scriptures and ended up in Proverbs Chapters 9 and 10.

Proverbs 9

Verse 4: “Let all who are simple come in here!”
she says to those who lack judgment.

I behaved as someone who had no Wisdom. I lacked judgment!

God let me know that He was disciplining me through the mouth of a friend.

Verses 8-9 …rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.

My Dear Friend was His instrument in instructing me in the way I should go. Why? Because:

10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.11 For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. 12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.”

I had mocked my daughter and I was suffering! I felt so ashamed that I began to cry. Me and my tongue… what mess did we get ourselves into? Didn’t I fear the Lord, I should have wisdom!

My Sweet Father wasn’t done with me yet. He wanted to talk to me more about my tongue. His Words follow in Chapter 10 of Proverbs:

v11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life.

Am I not righteous through the blood of Jesus? Then my mouth must be a fountain of life, not of mockery and put downs.

verse 12 …but love covers all wrongs.

I know that my Father loves me, which is why He lovingly disciplines me. I was looking for the scripture that states this, and with a prayer in my heart and a reminder that the Holy Spirit always leads me, I randomly opened my Bible. Guess where it fell open? At:

Hebrews 12:5-10 5 And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, 6 because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” 7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. (emphasis mine)

Yep, my God always works in Super Natural ways with me. He takes me right where I need to go. I hope you can grasp this very important concept. I asked God to show me where the Discipline/Love scripture was and He immediately lead me there! He is so amazing!

Now, about that tongue of mine – God continues:

Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning… (verse 13).  ..But the mouth of a fool invites ruin (verse 14). ..But he who holds his tongue is wise (verse 19).  ..But fools die for lack of judgment (verse 20)

A Disciplined Tongue

Discipline: to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.

At this point I was grateful. Still hurting, but grateful that my Father loves me and disciplines me. He wants me to become more like His Son, Jesus Christ. Therefore, He will continue to work with me to bring me closer to that ideal.

2 Corinthians 3:17 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I so desire to be a fountain of His love towards all who I encounter, but more so towards my beautiful children! You may think that I’m making a big deal about all this. But God truly wants us to walk in His ways. Was I really showing love last night? No, I had used my tongue to hurt a very important person in my life. It may have seemed innocent, but to those who don’t know us, how would it look? Or to someone who is not used to it, do they see the love of Christ in my action?

God wasn’t done yet, He continued:

He who heeds discipline shows the way to life..(verse 17). ..But he who holds his tongue is wise (verse 19). The lips of the righteous nourish many… (verse 20). The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom… (verse 31).

This is one area in which I am very undisciplined. Look how it is out in the world with people cutting each other down for laughs, trying to best each other with words, thinking it’s popular to be sarcastic – the more, the better. I, too, found myself doing these things!

Words should be used to lift and bless each other. In the previous verses, God states that the lips of the righteous nourish many, and brings forth wisdom. James states:

James 3:9-12 (NLT) 8 But no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

As I cried with godly sorrow, I asked my Daddy in Heaven to forgive me for hurting his precious daughter. I thanked Him for my Dear Friend who loves me enough to gently correct me. And I thanked Him for His love and for showing me an area that needs  improvement. Then I prayed for strength to overcome this behavior.

How did I feel about it all when it was done? I felt an increase of love towards my friend because she showed strength enough to gently point a behavior that was not godly. I felt at peace – secure in the knowledge that God loves me so much that He disciplines me. I am in a Safe Place - in His loving arms. What a beautiful place to be. And I felt a new resolve. A resolve to really watch what comes out of my mouth, to study out what I want to say before I say it. That way I am aware of my words and the effect they will have on the receiver. I know it will take work at first, but that is how habits are formed.

I pray for God’s Wisdom, His Understanding, and His Discernment. But more than anything, I pray for a Disciplined Tongue!