…I wonder

The Healing Touch (TFM #6)

The Healing TouchThe Fighting Man (Part 6)

We continue with Part 6 of the series, The Fighting Man. Previously, I explained how I became this type of person and how God was at work to deliver me from many of these characteristics. This article finishes the previous story of when I received healing from God. It is a Super Natural story because what God did is Super Natural – not a common daily occurrence and definitely not one I could have concocted from my subconscious mind! 🙂

If you have not read the first part of this story, I recommend that you read it first. This portion of the telling will make a lot more sense if you do! Just a recommendation, though…

He Reveals Himself to Me

May 2005

Karen Schatzline came to Utah to minister to the women at Christian Life Center during our Women’s Retreat in Ogden, Utah.  Karen’s focus was to help us see ourselves the way that God, our Heavenly Father, sees us – with His eyes. A very hard task for me, as my definition of a father was not a very loving, open-armed, there-for-me and accepting person. In addition, I had seen myself in such a negative light for so long that I couldn’t even imagine any other way of seeing myself.

During the second day of the retreat, Karen focused on a particular story of the Bible. This account, found in Matthew 9, Mark 5 and Luke 8, describes a woman who suffered from a disease which left her menstruating for twelve years.

Jewish law stated that a menstruating woman was not allowed to be touched by another human being; she was considered unclean. Therefore, the only touch this sick woman received was from the physicians who poked and prodded to see if she was better yet.

For twelve long years, the woman endured a life of loneliness. She was starved of human touch. She so desperately wanted healing that when she heard that Jesus was coming, she ignored every instinct and went in search of Him.

Mark 5:24-29 NIV 24 A large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse .

After pushing her way through the large crowd, heedless of the fact that her touch was making others unclean, she finally reached Him. The desperate woman put out her hand and touched His cloak. Mark explains it beautifully:

Mark 5:27-29 NIV 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

Jesus immediately realized He had been touched. To this immense crowd of people who were crushing in on Him, he asked:

Luke 8: 45-48 45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” 46 But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.” 47 Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 48 Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

At this point in the presentation, I was holding myself in, hugging myself, refusing to cry. I had to be in control – I would not cry. One of Karen’s helpers, dressed in a white robe such as the Jews used during that time period, came up the aisle, crawling on her hands and knees and crying as she grabbed other women’s arms, “Have you seen Him? Where is He? Where is Jesus?!? I need Him!”

I held it in even tighter. No. I would not, could not cry, as tears streamed down my face.

She reached me and grabbed my arm, pleading for direction to the Only One Who Truly Heals!

I shook my head, sobs wracking my body, tears flowing. Where was My Jesus? I needed healing as much as that bleeding woman needed it. I was as desperate as she was, if not more.

At this time, those who needed prayer were called to the front of the room. I propelled forward needing that personal Word from God. I knelt and let loose all the sorrow and pain that was stored up in my tired, sore soul. Karen came up and laid her hand on my shoulder and prayed a prayer that was meant only for me. Each woman received a different one. Mine was about love, beauty in God’s eyes, acceptance, forgiveness, and home.

I closed my eyes and the first vision in my mind was that of the little girl in the window, the one described in the previous article: Do You Really Love Even Me??. There she was, just as before – lonely, abandoned, forgotten, neglected, and hurting.

But this time, she was not alone. Jesus stood behind her. The little girl turned around; He picked her up in His arms and laid her head on His shoulders. As He held her, He kept saying that is was all okay, that He loved her and had never let her go. He was with her.

I felt a healing that I had never experienced before. A soothing balm covered my broken heart, and my bruised soul felt relief.

During the next few weeks, there were times that I closed my eyes and I could see Him standing behind me again. He would turn me around and hold me, whispering words of love and acceptance and healing.

Except that each time, I was older. There I was at twelve when my mother told me a divorce was imminent. Fifteen, suffering the after-effects of sexual abuse and beginning the path of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. Twenty-four, when I got married for the first time and felt the bitter disappointment of a volatile, angry marriage. Thirty-eight, when my dear children’s minds were poisoned against me and taken from me for almost two years. It went on and on until I was forty-seven years old and in His arms, still listening to His words of love and approval; still feeling His arms around me.

I had that realization, that ah-ha! moment when I knew that He had loved me all along and accepted me just the way I was; broken and hurting, angry, fighting, hurting others. It didn’t matter what I had done or what had been done to me, He still loved me just where I was and He was reaching out for me!

The Road to Recovery Continues

As time went on, I was reminded of the many times He was present from the beginning, even though I didn’t know Him yet. Twice I was warned by His Spirit that I was going to be raped. I got out just in time. I didn’t die at the age of twelve with a burst appendix, two hours away from a hospital with no vehicle and with no adult to take me there if there had been one, because God intervened miraculously. I had put myself into some very awful situations when I walked the difficult and rocky road that could have spelled disaster for me, and I know that His hand stayed the worst that could have happened.

The Fighting Man in me was beginning to disappear, but there were still a couple of things that God needed to accomplish in me in order to eradicate those traits from my personality. The next article deals with my next step in recovery: A Trust Issue.

I cannot finish this part of the series without adding one of my most favorite, personal revelations from God. It probably doesn’t fit in this article, but it’s such a beautiful testimony of how real He is in our lives and how He truly does care, that I can’t resist including it. The rest of His personal revelations to me will be put into book form, but this one must be shared here.

Beautiful

I live my life based on a very important scripture to me.

2 Corinthians 13:1 KJV …In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.

I also live by faith.

Habakkuk 2:4 NKJV “Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith.” (emphasis mine)

I know that God honors my faith, and I know that many times He has confirmed something to me by the mouths of two or three witnesses; whether it be by someone saying something to me, a Scripture I read, a song I hear, or a message on the radio. You get the picture.

I never thought of myself as beautiful. In fact, I couldn’t stand to see myself in the mirror. It was either a “hurry up and put the makeup on” or it was a “pick apart every ugly thing about me” kind of time in front of it.

One night, as I read the book Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by Stasi Eldredge, I received a challenge. I reached the part in the book where Stasi challenges the reader to ask Jesus if she is beautiful.  “Why not?” I thought to myself. “What have I got to lose?” I sent my request to Him.

I went to church the next day forgetting that I had asked Jesus if I was beautiful to Him or not. I was singing in the Praise and Worship team and between songs, a man who had never spoken to me before, looked at me and said, “You are beautiful!”

It startled me a bit because it was so out of context. But I thanked him graciously. He had never spoken to me before and he never spoke to me again.

After Praise and Worship was done, I walked down off the stage and went towards my seat. A dear Filipino friend of mine came up to meet me. She grabbed my face between her hands, kissed me and said with a smile, “You are beautiful!”

I thanked her and sat down, my head in a whirl. Two witnesses! He had answered me! My Jesus thought I was beautiful. He wasn’t done yet – I think He wanted to make sure that I knew He meant it.

After church we went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter serving us looked at me and, out of the blue, said, “You are beautiful!” I smilingly thanked him, my eyes glowing now with the knowledge that He was the One who was really talking to me today.

At home, my children exclaimed after dinner that I was beautiful. I thanked them and then thanked My God for revealing Himself so beautifully to me.

To this day, I see myself the way My Lord sees me. He has continued to heal me and has walked with me daily. And what He asks of me now is to help other women who have been through what I’ve been through. There is no other love and acceptance as beautiful as His.

1 John 4:8-10 (The Message) This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.

Romans 8:35, 37-39 NLT 35Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 37No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. 38And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 John 4:12-14 (The Message) My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love! This is how we know we’re living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He’s given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we’ve seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God’s Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we’ve embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.

Where Are You?

This brings us to the last point in this article. Where are you? Do you have a God-shaped hole in your heart that is not being filled up by drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, addictions, overeating, computer and video games, or any other unhealthy behavior? Do you still feel dissatisfied when you instantly gratify a craving?

Plumb has a great song called God Shaped Hole that explains it beautifully:

Every point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But it all comes down to faith
Thats the way I see it

You can say that love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
“All we have is now”
But I don’t believe it

There’s a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There’s a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it’s a void only He can fill

Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?

There’s a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There’s a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it’s a void only He can fill

That’s my point of view…

The Beginning

Look at the bleeding woman’s steps:

  • She knew there was only One who could alter this unalterable condition of her life – she believed in Him
  • She was desperate enough to not care what anyone thought of her
  • She pushed her way to Him through the throng of people crowding around Jesus
  • She reached out to Him
  • Her faith enabled His Power to heal her

If you recall I was desperate for healing, for a self-esteem, for deliverance from The Fighting Man. I had tried everything in my power to get better and change my bad habits, but nothing seemed to work for long. I was like a rubber band stretched and when I was let go, I went back to my original shape, maybe a little more changed, but the issues were still buried deep within my heart.

If you find yourself wanting desperately to be changed, then I recommend that you take that first step. Accept Him into your life. Only He can truly heal, but He needs you to open the door He is knocking at. He wants a relationship with you!

Revelation 3:20 NIV Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

For more information about this, go to the article: A New Identity.

I took that step but had to continue that relationship with Him. It’s like I made a life-long commitment with Him. Now I needed to get to know my New Best Friend. It doesn’t stop when you accept Him. You don’t just breathe that sigh of relief and say, “Phew! I’m saved! Now, where was I?” and continue doing what you did before. The changing Power within you cries out for you to tap into it!

Read the Bible, pray and talk with God, fellowship with other Believers, go to Church and nourish your soul, go out and serve others. Love like you’ve never loved before!

Once you have that relationship with Jesus, you can receive healing from Him by some incredible Bible Studies and Book Studies. Two that were particularly helpful to me were Breaking Free by Beth Moore and The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. There are so many that I could not list them all here. Contact your local church and find out what they have to offer. Walking the path alone is not recommended! We have been placed together because we need each other!

Hebrews 10:25 NIV Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

If you have any questions, concerns or comments about these articles, please do not hesitate to let us know! We can help, too. Even if you just need someone to pray with you and for you. That’s what we are here for.

May God bless you with deliverance, healing and joy!

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